8 ½ Months Pregnant

I am a firm believer that stress does crazy things to you both physically and emotionally. About three weeks ago I wasn’t feeling well and was an emotional basket case. My dear husband just looked at me and said, “You know what – you are 8 ½ months pregnant with a Russian 3 year old. What do you expect?” I actually took great comfort in this comment (after rolling my eyes at him of course). I have been so incredibly blessed to have gone through pregnancy and child birth two times. And I must tell you there are some similarities with those experiences and our adoption journey. The most prevalent similarity for me is the distraction and disconnect. For those women who have experienced pregnancy you know what I am talking about. By about month 8 I was scatter brained. I would misplace my keys, forget what I was saying midsentence, etc… My mind was on the soon to be birth of our child. I wondered how much our lives were going to change and if we were prepared for what was in store for us. I have those same feelings now. I can barely concentrate on a task for more than a few minutes. I wonder how much our life is going to change when Blake arrives home. I wonder even more how he is going to adjust to the change that he is going to experience. I have to force myself to focus on tasks at hand which are super important so that I will have things in order when we get ‘the call’.

Here is how the adoption journey is different than pregnancy. After giving birth to your child you hold them, love them, and bring them home with you. Even if the little ones are not ready to go home you get to visit them each and every day and cuddle with them. With a Russian adoption the paperwork leading up to getting your referral is the pregnancy. You get news of the referral (labor pains). Then you make trip number one and lay eyes on your son or daughter (the birth). From this point on the similarities stop. You now have to do the unspeakable. You have to leave the country without your child and wait. And you have no idea of how long you will wait. And you do not know if your child will remember you or if he is sick or if he is scared at night. You ache to hold him, and instead of walking to the nursery and scooping them up from their crib the only thing you can do is pray and ask God to quiet your mind and fill your heart.

While I find that I am struggling these days, I am also so incredibly thankful that Justin and I didn’t ignore what was placed on our heart. I know with every ounce of my being that Blake was intended to be a member of our family since his September 30th, 2005 birthday. God was patient with us and allowed us to take this journey and grow in our faith so that we can withstand this test and the many more I am sure will come. So I again must remember that I cannot try to take control of our situation and that God’s timing will be impeccable.