Stirring Feelings

I am taking a break from preparing for Blake’s birthday party to get out something that has been on my heart all of September. On the 30th Blake will turn four years old. The age of four is when children are moved from the baby home to orphanages. The orphanages then are where they stay until they are forced to leave at the age of 14-16. I know that there are horror stories out there about orphanages, and I know that there are stories of well ran orphanages, but I have just been thinking about the what if’s….. I cannot even fathom the idea of our little Blake going to live with teenagers. The children lose their innocence so fast and experience things that no four year old should ever experience. My stomach just hurts thinking about it. What if we hadn’t listened to our hearts? What if we listened to the people who suggested international adoption wasn’t for us? What if God wouldn’t have kept redirecting us every single time we tried to turn away? I am so very thankful that Blake did not have to make that transition from the baby home to an orphanage. Instead he transitioned from the baby home into the hearts of Justin and I and all of our family. For this I am grateful. I have been haunted for days with pictures of some of the other children. There is the little girl that I wrote about while we were in Russia. When she looked into my eyes it was as if she we trying to tell me her entire life story with the sorrow in those eyes. There was a little red head girl who came up to Justin and I both just wanting attention. There was the little girl whose hair was recently shaved and the little boy whose little tights kept falling down because the elastic was worn out. I could go on and on. Of course we knew we would be changed forever once we went down this path, but sometimes the burden one feels can be unbearable. I will continue to pray for those children. I pray that they too will find the love that all children deserve to experience.

Here is a picture of Blake saying goodbye to his little group mate (the one I was really drawn to).